Friday, May 9, 2014

To All You Girls Out There (Part 2)

Sometimes being a girl is such a struggle. 

We hear from such a young age that we are all equal. We're not supposed to think about how well other people are doing because we all have different strengths, we're all smart, we all have purposes, and we're all beautiful in our own way.

But we still compare ourselves. Every day. 

I mean, half the reason that girls spend so much time focusing on their appearance isn't because they want to impress guys (sorry boys). It's because they want other girls to think they have nice clothes/shoes/hair/eyelashes/nails/etc. We all want to hear "you look so pretty today!" or "where did you get your shoes?" or "oh my goodness your hair is perfect" because the positive reinforcement feels good. It encourages us and confirms that other people think we're 'good enough.'

We're afraid if we don't have the right hipster-looking outfits or a classy-but-not-too-fancy dress we'll get weird looks or not be part of 'the right crowd.' 

I know these seem like problems that only happen in junior high, but that's not the way it is. So many girls have the same insecurities many years later, but the worries are just hidden and the judgement from others is more discreet. 

It's such a struggle. 

How many times have you seen a girl at school or in the mall or somewhere else and you just think "she has the most perfect hair" or "I love her outfit"? It's such a natural and easy thought. But the problem is that it automatically makes you compare yourself. You start thinking about your own hair and your own shoes and your own eyelashes and you wonder if other people think those things about you. 

And then there's the profile picture problem. There are those girls who get hundreds of likes on their profile pictures, and it makes you wonder why you don't have that many. You wonder if everyone likes those girls better, and that maybe that's why you only have 43 likes. But why do we define ourselves by the number of likes and hearts and followers we get?! It doesn't even make sense. 

We also overthink everything (example: we go from "oh that guy is cute" to "I wonder if he wants kids one day" within 8 seconds) and we can't even help it. We walk past a group of girls whispering and immediately wonder if they're talking about us. We say hi to a guy and then wonder if he thinks we're weird. We join a conversation and then wonder if we talk too much. And for me personally, I turn red when anyone looks in my direction even though I'm not embarrassed, but then I start thinking about the fact that I turn red and it makes me embarrassed.  

If only girls could turn off their thoughts for a few seconds to get rid of the constant comparison and the obsessive overthinking. 

-- 

This morning I was reading in Genesis 29. That's the chapter where Jacob goes to Laban's house and works for 7 years so that he can marry Rachel (side note: how amazing would it be to have a guy work for seven years just because he wanted to be with you?!). For those of you who don't know the story, Laban ended up not keeping his end of the deal, so on Jacob's wedding day it was actually Leah (Rachel's sister) who he ended up marrying. Leah wasn't the 'beautiful' sister that Jacob wanted (Leah had weak eyes), so he worked for another seven years so that he could marry Rachel as well, his first choice. 

A couple months ago I read this story in my sister's children's bible, and it changed my whole entire view of the story. I always thought that it must have been frustrating for Jacob. I felt bad for him. I mean he worked so hard and didn't even get what he was working for! But in my sister's bible (The Jesus Storybook Bible) it highlights the story so differently. 

It made me realize how hard it must have been for Leah, the unwanted sister. She probably compared herself to Rachel all the time . Her sister was the one with "a beautiful figure and a lovely face" (verse 18). She probably had a lot of insecurities. And it would have been even worse when she finally got married, only to realize it was a mistake because Jacob never wanted her. Or maybe she knew what was going on. Either way, if I was Leah I would probably not feel too great about myself.

The beautiful thing about the story is that it makes it so clear how God sees the unloved. 

Not only did God enable Leah to have children, but her line of children would lead directly to Jesus, the Prince of Heaven. She was in the line of royalty. 

God made her a princess. 

Rachel was the beautiful sister. The one who was wanted. The one that Jacob worked fourteen years for. But Leah was the one who God saw, and chose to use in an incredibly special way. 

-- 

So here is what I have learned about comparing myself: 

It's completely pointless
Our stories are all so different. We have different purposes, different eyes, different hair, different strengths. And yes, that is what we have all been told for our whole lives. But it's so clear from the story of Leah and Rachel that God uses us for those differences. Leah was the one He chose to be in the line of royalty, and it's because she was Leah. Not because she was Rachel. The story would have been so different without Leah in it. We are all needed for a purpose. 

It doesn't change anything. 
Where has comparison ever got you? Do you feel better about yourself after spending hours comparing your hair type to your friend's? Probably not. You feel unworthy and unwanted and not good enough for anything. If Leah did compare herself to Rachel, it didn't make a difference. God still used her for the purpose He made her for. She didn't become any different by comparing. So just choose not to compare. Focus on who you are in God. That's where your identity is found. 

None of us are perfect anyways. 
When we compare, we always compare what we think are 'bad' qualities to other people's 'good' qualities. "She's so outgoing and I'm so not." "She has perfect hair and I don't." "She's a size 2 and I'm a size 6." The problem with that is that everybody's opinion is so subjective. Of course you're going to see your own flaws. And of course you're going to see that other people don't have the same flaws as you. But they feel the same way! They aren't perfect either, and they criticize themselves just as much as you criticize yourself (whether they will admit it or not). 

-- 

Above all else, you are beautiful. 

Seriously.

You have beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, a beautiful smile. 

Let yourself radiate with God's love. That is what stands out. 

Let Him shine through you, and be the most beautiful you that you could possibly be. 

Do not let a guy, a friend, a sibling, a stranger, or anyone  ever define your beauty. 

Your Creator is the Only One who has the right to tell you whether or not you are beautiful. 

And He says that you are. 


Kayla 




Katie Cottrell Photography 

Her worth is far more than diamonds
 Proverbs 31:10 












Sunday, May 4, 2014

Those (Enjoyable?) Times When You Have To Wait

I think that periods of waiting can be some of the worst points in our lives.

When we're young we have to learn to wait in lines and to go out for recess. We have to wait to be excused from the table because social etiquette says so, and we have to wait our turn with our hand raised in the air because that's kindergarten curriculum. The time-frame that constitutes 'waiting' when we're little seem so incredibly long and painful in the moment, but it's so ridiculously short in comparison to the things we are forced to wait for when we're older.

We wait for the possible healing of life-threatening illnesses, and we wait for traumatic situations to pass. We wait for God's direction regarding what we're going to do with the rest of our lives(!!), and we wait for Him to bring us the things we've been hoping for. We wait years and years to get married, and then sometimes for so much longer before we can have families. We wait for acceptance letters and for once-in-a-lifetime opportunities to come along. And the list goes on. These things are so much bigger than grocery store lines and the anticipated chocolate cake that comes after dinner.

The other problem that plagues us as we grow up is how we learn a little bit more about the world, and then we think that's enough to make it on our own. So we come up with these perfectly masterminded plans that don't leave any room at all for waiting. Then we become overwhelmed when things happen that interfere with the plans we've made, and we think I don't have time for this! On the outside we display content smiles and kind voices, but on the inside anxiety is swarming around making us think we have to immediately move on to the next task.

I'm one of those people who likes to have everything planned out and set in place a month in advance, so when I don't have clear direction, or if I know something is going to come but I don't know the exact details, it's a struggle for me. I can't wait to find out. I need time to prepare myself. I need to know why, how, where, who, what, and (most importantly) when.

In reality, we never know the exact answers to those things, and we are forced against our human nature to wait.

To be honest, sometimes I still don't really know what to do when I have to wait (or if I'm supposed to do anything at all), but here is what I have learned:


Patience Isn't Passive (Or Panicked)
When we're in a period of waiting we either frantically try to speed ahead and figure things out on our own, or we think that we're supposed to sit and wait for something to drop out of the sky. And it's true that sometimes God is teaching us how to be still. We are definitely supposed to wait on Him. But we are also supposed to be (peacefully!) active in our efforts to continue serving Him (that's our purpose!).

When we are focusing all of our efforts on serving Him, everything else will become clear. Our mindset should not be on the panicked planning our life-schedules. It should be completely consumed with loving Him and serving Him to the best of our abilities.

Hebrews 12:1 says that we should "run with patience." It also says that we should throw off sin and the things that weigh us down. Nothing should get in the way of us actively serving God and running the race He has laid out.


Patience Is Rewarding
When we are quick to act on our own judgement and plans, we often miss out on the amazing things that God is going to give us later. We so quickly forget that life is a collection of moments, and not just a single second.

When we choose to wait on God, despite the pressure and temptation of the present-moment, we will be rewarded in the future.

And when we keep in mind that God can be in every moment, while we can only live in a single moment, it is much easier to put our faith in His best plan.


Patience Is Revealing
There are so many examples in the Bible of men and women who are defined by their patient character.

Abraham waited for longer than a lot of people will ever live before he was finally blessed with a son, as God had promised (Genesis 21:2). Job endured pain, persevering through his extreme discomfort (the entire book of Job). James tells us that these figures of faith (Isaac, Moses, David, Elisha, Daniel, etc.) were "example(s) of patience in the midst of suffering" (5:10).

And most importantly, Jesus "endured the cross" (Hebrews 12:2).

Personally, I want to be someone who faithfully trusts and waits on God, rather than acting to please my earthly self in split-second decisions.

Patience reveals whether we are truly devoted to His will - whether we really trust Him with all of our hearts.


Patience Is Faith-Building
Those same figures that were defined by their patient character had deep faith in God.

Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son because God asked him to (Genesis 22). Even though he was probably horrified at the thought of this task, he obeyed. He knew (from previous experiences with waiting on God) that God would be faithful. Waiting helps us build faith that will be essential for the rest of our lives.

Job was a faithful man too, which is one of the reasons God tested him. God knew that he would remain faithful. But in the end, after he had endured a whole lot of suffering, his faith had become even stronger. He waited through all of the trials that were sent his way, and God revealed so much about Himself during that time.

Patience is at the root of our relationships with God, and gives us opportunities to show that we are willing to leave our lives in His hands.

--

Something that I have had to learn is to rest while I'm waiting. There's a fine balance between actively serving, and peacefully resting. Although those things seem contradictory, they go hand in hand.

I so often feel like life is too short. Like I need to get everything done right now and not waste any time.

But there is a time for everything. And sometimes God gives us seasons of waiting.

Ecclesiastes 3:12 says "there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can."

Patience so clearly brings happiness.

When we use our gifts to the best of the abilities for His glory
When we push past the pressure of the present
When we discover who we really are in Him
And when we put our entire lives in His hands, stepping out in faith
Then we will be forever content.

So seasons of waiting are times to be happy.

They are times to rest, and to appreciate all that God has done.

And most of all, they are times to look forward to all that He is going to do - because He will make everything beautiful in its time.


Enjoy the wait. 


Kayla 



Katie Cottrell Photography