Cornflower Blue (For Everyone Who Fears The Unknown)

When people ask me why I worry about things, I often say it's because I hate change. Or because I don't like the idea of the unknown.

I really like when things are black or white. I like clear boundaries and expectations. I like preparation and familiarity.

Every so often I long for a sprinkle of change and surprise and adventure. Sometimes it definitely is good to switch things up. Like reorganizing a room or trying out a new recipe. And there definitely is a thrill in going on a spontaneous road trip to enjoy some new scenery, or going on an expedition to an unknown place.

It's the change that we have no control over that's the problem. When we're forced to tip-toe into the unfamiliar territory. Or plunge head-first in some cases.

It's the grey areas.

They are so many problems with grey. It's the colour of stifling smoke. Soggy slush. Filmy fog. Murky mud. It's so unclear. Suffocating.  Depressing. Blinding. Dirty.

Terrifying.

At least when everything is black, your eyes can rest and you know where you're supposed to be. All you have to do is stand in one place.

In the grey areas you can't see your feet touching the ground. You are constantly searching for the light. For a moment of clarity. For reassurance that your feet are secure. You don't rest. You walk in circles and zig-zag lines. Desperate. Trying to find an unknown destination.

That is the problem with grey. It's a colour of frenzied confusion and miserable discomfort.

--

So what do you need to remember when you find yourself in the midst of the fog?

1. Navigating is not our job. 
Nobody ever said that we have to figure out a cure for the grey areas of life. Just like we have no control over the morning fog, we have no control over the every-day unknowns.

Job 37:6 says that God knows the 'balancing of the clouds.'

It is not our place to navigate through the world. He has control. His job is to understand the fog and make things clear to our human eyes in His perfect timing.


2. There is no such thing as 'the unknown.'
The unknowns of life are only unknown to us. Our stories have already been written, and our job is to have faith in the One who knows us best.

Job 28:24 says that 'He sees everything under the heavens.'

We serve the most incredible God who is Ever-Present and All-Knowing.

His plans for us are incomprehensible (Ephesians 3:20).


3. Just because you can't see the end does not mean you are alone.
Even better than the fact that He knows everything about us (Psalm 139), He has given us the option of spending every moment with Him.

When we are unsure about where to go next, when we can't see where our feet are standing or the path in front of us, we simply need to look beside us and grab onto The Hands that shaped the world in the first place.

He goes before us, and He stands beside us (Deuteronomy 31:8).

--

The grey areas are a time to practice trusting. No matter what the situation. Whether it's your future that seems grey or even the next minute of your life.

These areas aren't really grey at all. They aren't ugly or suffocating or depressing.

Growth happens in the grey. Hope shines in the grey. Trust builds in the grey.

Sky blue. Bleu de France. Tiffany box blue. Blueberry blue. Ocean blue. Periwinkle. 

We are in between the faint Baby Blue of our beginning and the rich Royal Blue that will be our entrance into the Kingdom of Heaven.

We are in the Cornflower Blue.

And it is a beautiful place to be.


Kayla

Stephen Buchan

I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies is always by my side 

Eucharisteo & The Sound of Rain

Thanks.

I have often felt burdened by that word.

It's a tag-on. A formality. Something children are taught to say when they're learning their manners. Something you say when you don't know how else to respond. Sometimes it's used at the end of a letter. Sometimes it's used sarcastically. Then there's the holiday version of it. Everyone is always so 'thankful' on that one day of the year.

Most of the time it is really just said so that people will think you're polite and kind and a morally good person.

'Thanks' is probably among one of the first words you were taught. You probably had to say 'thank you' to the kind stranger who held the door open for you. And you probably had to say 'thank you' when your mom handed you a cookie, or when your older sibling let you play with their toy.

If you think back to the first prayer that you ever learned (or even just heard) it also probably had some form of 'thanks' in it. "Thanks" is most likely one of the first things you ever said to Jesus. "Thank you Jesus for our food." "Thank you for dying on the cross." "Thank you for mommy and daddy and my house and my dog and my sister..."

Thankfulness comes so naturally for children (once they learn the word). They can think of so many things that they're thankful for. When I was younger, I would pretty much just list off everything that came to mind when somebody asked what I was thankful for. From the lamp beside my bed to my friend who lived in Sweden.

As I became older, I started to avoid the 'thanks' part of my prayers. It might have been because there were too many things that I was 'supposed' to be thankful for and it would just have taken too long to say them all. Or it could have been because it was just easier to ask for things and talk about all the problems I had. I would lie in bed saying my end-of-a-long-day prayer silently in my head, and my mind would drift. I would start off with "thank you for this day" and then I would quickly end up telling God how I had a ton of homework that I didn't get done, how I was stressed all day because I barely had time to eat, how my parents didn't understand me. Then I would talk to him about my friend drama and the person in class who had frustrated me. I would ask him to fix it all. And then - oh yeah! I forgot to apologize for yelling at my sister. So I would quickly ask for forgiveness for that. Then I would throw in an afterthought - "Thank you for loving me" or "Thank you for my family" - just so I didn't feel as guilty. And maybe I would end with telling Him how great He is and how I loved Him too.

So many demands. So little thanks.

When it came down to it, 'thank you' had lost its meaning for me (as did talking to God altogether, but that's a story for another time!).

A couple weeks ago I was challenged to think of 1000 things that I am thankful for.

When I heard that for the first time, one part of me was thinking "that's going to be so easy" and another part of me was thinking "I don't have time to write all of that down!" No part of me even considered that it actually might be an important thing to do.

Thanks still might have no meaning to you, and you might be reading these words thinking "she's just giving me another reminder to be thankful..." But I'm not going to give another reminder. Seriously just think about this. Think about every time you have ever been angry, upset, worried, bored, jealous, or impatient. In those moments did thankfulness have a home?

For me personally, my answer would be no.

When our hearts are ungrateful, our thoughts our pointless and our minds become darkened (Romans 1:20-22). God becomes angry when we don't thank him. Without thanks there is no joy. Without thanks we don't have the capacity, ability, or strength to accept God's grace.

Why?

Because joy and grace are within thanksgiving.

The story of Jesus giving thanks for a loaf of bread is what helped me understand all of this.

Luke 22:19 says that Jesus took some bread and gave thanks. The Greek translation of 'gave thanks' is eucharisteo. In a previous post I talked about the Greek word for grace, which is charis. This is also the root word of eucharisteo. To take this even further, the root of charis is chara. Chara means joy. 

So why does this matter?

At the heart of thanksgiving, there are grace and joy. Happiness is found in thanksgiving. God's gift of grace is found in thanksgiving.

Don't we all want that gift? Don't we all want to be happy?

See, there is power in thanksgiving. Not the holiday, but the action.

It changes absolutely everything.

Thanksgiving reminds us that our lives are gifts. That this world is not our own. God provides us with everything so that we can go to Him with thanks and receive the joy and grace that He wants to offer us.

I never thought that focusing on what I am thankful for would be a life-changing challenge.

When we focus on being thankful instead of giving anxiety the power to overwhelm us, peace reigns.
When we focus on being thankful instead of allowing anger to grow in our hearts, we find forgiveness. 
When we focus on being thankful instead of justifying jealousy, satisfaction resides in our souls. 

Thanksgiving brings everything to your life.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above." James 1:17

Joy.
Grace.
Peace.

Eucharisteo.


Kayla

Photo Credit: Katie Cottrell

For all Your goodness I will keep on singing, 10 000 reasons for my heart to find

My First 10 Thanks
1. Divine grace that frees me from the strive for perfection.
2. A God who loves me despite my failures.
3. A family who will never give up on me.
4. Friends who unconditionally accept me.
5. A home & country where I am safe & free to love my Saviour.
6. The opportunity & ability to pursue an education & career.
7. Never-ending provision. In every way. All of my needs are met.
8. The sound of beautifully orchestrated melodies, giggling babies, & singing robins in the spring.
9. The warmth of sunshine, the beauty of snowflakes, and the sound of rain at night.
10. Soft fuzzy blankets & earl-grey tea.
[990 more to go] :)

The Beauty of Imperfection

Recently I have realized that there are so many things that I would love to spend the rest of my life doing.

I absolutely love baking, so I think it would be really fun to spend my life working in a little bake shop in a small town in the middle of nowhere. I would love to talk with the people who come in for a morning cup of coffee, and I would love to hand out cookies to little children whose parents bring them for a small treat. 

I also love writing. Becoming an author has always been one of my dreams. I would love to get lost in the stories that God places on my heart. I could travel the world and hold book signings. I could encourage thousands of people through God-inspired words. 

In grade 12, my history teacher told each of us his thoughts about our future careers. He told me that he could see me becoming "Super Kayla." I'm not really sure what he meant by that, but I think I would love that too. 

Then there are the more practical dreams. 

I have always told everyone that I want to be a Speech Language Pathologist. And part of me still wants that. I would love to spend my life helping children learn to communicate and express themselves. It would definitely be rewarding. 

But on the other hand, if I'm going to be spending the next six years (or more) in school, will that really be enough? 

The idea of doing something 'bigger' has been speaking to my heart in every way for the past month, and the feeling won't disappear. Just when I think the idea has finally faded, someone else mentions it (like Kari Jobe at her concert in Toronto... that could not have been a coincidence!) and it's like God is whispering, "You can't run from my plan." 

I need to stop acting like Jonah. 

I can't deny that God has this amazingly-unexpected plan for me. I know exactly what He wants me to do. 

The problem right now is that I can see the end result, but I can't see how to get there. I can't see how all of my random, un-related dreams are going to fit into the plan that He has. And to be honest I don't even understand how this 'big' thing could be His plan for me in the first place. 

Sometimes I don't feel smart enough. I try so hard to do everything right. I obsess over every sentence down to the most unimportant comma, trying to make things exactly perfect so that there is no way I can fail. But sometimes my efforts still aren't enough.

Sometimes I don't feel strong enough. I become so tired after a few hours of school that I can't even bring myself to finish my next reading. 

Sometimes I'm not patient. Sometimes I'm scared to go to new places, or to even leave my house. And sometimes I don't want to be the one who always listens to everyone else. 

I am so completely imperfect.

How could He have such an exciting plan for me? 

Last night I went to a worship concert with a bunch of my friends, and I was standing in a crowd of people listening to a song I had heard many times before, but when I listened last night it hit me in a completely different way. 

So patient

So gracious

So merciful and true

So wonderful in all You do 

You fill me

You see me

You know my every move

You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me 

I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness

I know you that you have come down

Even if to write upon my heart

To remind me who you are 

You Are For Me - Kari Jobe

Wow. 

He is everything that we are not. 

And even though we aren't good enough on our own, He doesn't abandon us. He chooses to stay. 

He stays with us so that He can fill us with all of the qualities that we naturally lack. 

How could we run from the One who fills us with everything that we are? We need to be filled. 

We can't distance ourselves from the One who is writing our story - outlining a production that will allow us shine. Our dreams will be fulfilled to the highest degree of success. Our needs will be met. Our heavenly desires will be provided for. 

Only if we allow Him to fill us with His perfection. 

1 John 4:12 says that "God abides in us and and His love is perfected in us."

God's grace says that it's okay for us to not be perfect. It's okay for us to lack the qualities that we think we need because God is here to meet our needs. We need His love and His grace. (Ephesians 2:8)

He wants to be with us so that He can complete us. So that He can provide for us and support us and cleanse us of our imperfections. That's the whole reason Jesus died. So that we might be "without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish." (Ephesians 5:25-27)

God is very aware of the dreams and plans that each of us have - even if they are hidden in the farthest corners of our heart.

He knows all of our solitary secrets and whispered wishes. 

He knows everything that we lack when we are on our own.

But despite our imperfections, we are beautiful. 

Because of Him.

Kayla 

Photo Credit: Katie Cottrell

1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.