Friday, February 14, 2014

Everything I Learned In Africa (A Year and a Half Late)

It has been a year and a half since I boarded the plane to Lusaka, Zambia, and every day I wish I could relive those three weeks.

Going to Africa had always been on my bucket list. I'm not really sure why. Maybe because I wanted to make a difference. Maybe because I love to travel or because I love children. I don't know. Whatever the reason, I am so thankful that God opened the door for me and ten others to venture across the world to serve Him.

To be honest, it wasn't the kind of trip where I came home and sold all of my clothes to those in poverty, ready to become a missionary, completely changed and transformed. Although I was hoping for that kind of life-altering journey, that's not what it was like for me.

When I first came home, I was able to answer the typical questions with typical answers. "What was Africa like?" "Amazing.""Was it hard to see so many people in need?" "Yes." ""Do you think we take for granted everything we have here in Canada?" "Definitely."

But I wasn't really sure what I learned. I usually gave answers like "I learned to be thankful every day for my house" or "I realized that I'm so blessed" and it's all completely true. The thing is, a lot of people that we interacted with had houses, and food, and even families - maybe they didn't make up your typical nuclear family or live in your typical suburban house, but a lot of them were surrounded by people they loved (side note: we did visit a village that would fit your "African village" image, and that was incredibly eye opening). Anyways, I spent 21 days on the other side of the world, so there had to be something that went beyond the classic mission-trip-experience answers.

Over the past year and a half, after having lots of time to reflect, there are some things that God has shown me about those days in Africa.


I am so small. 
I don't mean that I'm just a simple young girl, 5'7", in between adolescence and adulthood, living in Ontario. And I don't mean that I'm just one person in a world of millions (because that can make a person feel small too).

I seriously mean that I am small. 

It sometimes leaves me speechless when I think about how God created all these mountains and waterfalls that are incredibly massive. Victoria Falls is only one place, in one continent out of seven. It's even small in comparison to the rest of the world.

And somehow, we think that we're entitled to everything.

We become upset when things don't go the way we planned. Hurt when people don't pay attention to us. Bitter when people get in our way. We act like we're so big.

In reality, we are just a vapor. (James 4:14).

And still, God thinks the world of us.

Do you know what that means?

Each one of us is individually as important as the entire world and all of its wonders. In His eyes, we are as beautiful as Victoria Falls. When people stand there with awe-struck smiles, cameras out, wanting to capture every detail and treasure it forever - that is a picture of how God feels about us.

Although we are small, we are worth treasuring. We were chosen. (Ephesians 1:5-8)

We need to humble ourselves (because we really are small!), but we also need to realize our worth. We have a special place in this world.


We can always worship.
Africa changed my perspective of worship.

Sometimes I forget that it's okay to praise God outside of a sanctuary. I get so caught up in having to go to church each Sunday morning so that I can sing. It is really important to do that! But it's not the only place for it.

Africa is known for its music and dancing, and there's no question why. They really do know how to sing, and they know how to dance. Even beyond that - they know how to worship. They don't hold back. No matter where they are. No matter what the circumstance.

How many of us would be singing and dancing if we didn't have homes? (Honestly.)

I don't think that I would be.

The people that I met did.

They sang on buses, they sang in fields, they sang while children were crying, they sang inside, they sang on hills. And not just a little Sunday school melody. They sang with everything in them. From their hearts.

By the end of the 21 days, my team and I were singing (and dancing!) too.

They taught us how to worship.

Let them praise his name with dancing. Psalm 149:3


When we slow down, we can hear His voice. 
I struggle so much with unpredictability. I like knowing what is going to happen next, and I like consistency. When people change plans I get very uncomfortable, and when there isn't a schedule I become anxious.

This was my challenge on the trip.

Most people in Africa aren't as considered with schedules and time. They make some plans, but they also go with whatever happens. And more imoprtantly, most of the people that I met were incredibly in tune with God's voice.

So while I was there, I really had to learn to slow down and take time to breathe.

We don't always know what is going to happen in the next hour of our lives. And when choose to be okay with that (when we choose not to plan everything), we allow God to take over.
It's okay to not always have a plan. It's okay to be 2 minutes late. It's okay to spend a little bit of extra time talking to somebody even if it interferes with your schedule. It's even okay to take a night off to reflect, to laugh, or to just hang out and eat chocolate (we did that a few times).

It's actually better this way.

When we take time to breathe, we allow God to have control.

When we slow down, we have time to listen to God's voice.

(Proverbs 22:17-18, John 10:27, Romans 10:17)


Nothing is the end until God says it's the end. 
Looking back, God's power is more evident to me than I ever realized at the time.

There are so many stories that I could re-tell (the story about how we nearly missed our connecting flight, or the one about how my friend was attacked by a baboon... seriously), but there is one thing that I never truly realized before now.

God is supreme.  

During my last week in Zambia, I received an email from home informing me that my dog had died.

That really put a damper on my African-adventure excitement.

According to the world's medical expertise, he shouldn't have died. He was fairly young. Full of life. Crazy and alert. And ever his strange, fluffy, 17-pound self.

I'm still not really sure what happened, but I cried for days after I received that email. One of those days was the day we went to Victoria Falls.

For a while, I walked around this natural wonder without smiling or talking to anyone because all I could think about was how broken my heart felt. And how empty the living room chair would be without Scooter.

I never really 'got over it' as some say should have happened. To this day, I still miss him.

But what occurred to me at the Falls was that God really is always in control.

He controls the water that crashes over the rocks, and He calms the water that trickles across the stones. He controls the howling baboons that line the top of the mountain-like structure. He commands each side of the Falls to stand up straight. He could silence all of Victoria Falls. And despite His supremacy, not a sparrow falls to the ground without Him caring (Matthew 10:29).

He cared about my little dog.

I have no idea why He allowed him to die when I was on the other side of the world (or why He allowed it to happen at all).

But what I do know, is that I am small in comparison to the world.

I know that I can worship despite the pain.

I know that when I slow my racing, worried thoughts, God's voice can be heard.

And I know that despite the chaos of life,

He reigns. 


Kayla 

"You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.'" Matthew 22:37-39

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:8



{Scooter}











Wednesday, February 5, 2014

A Thousand Shades of Blue

Sometimes I feel so lost.

Sometimes things are really clear and I can see God in everything. And other times it's like all I can see is thousands of miles of sky and water in every direction. I feel like I'm drowning in a world of blue.

Maybe for a while God and I are sailing on this boat together, having an amazing time. He shows me the incredible works of His hands, opening my eyes in so many ways.

Then I find myself on a raft in the middle of the ocean. Alone.

Last week God did some miraculous things in my life. He sent me in a new career direction (one of the most exciting things that has ever happened to me!) and I gained the opportunity to help lead a Bible study for younger girls. My best friend and I were able to encourage each other, and I felt like I was going to explode with His love. I realized that God loves to surprise us. He loves to see our reactions to the unexpected blessings that He provides. I was truly so excited for all that He has in store for me.

I still feel that way. But at the same time there are so many things happening around me that are trying to fight that joy. Things that are retaliating against His miracles. Things that are oppose His peace.

Those things make us feel alone. They focus our eyes on the thousands of shades of blue. We become lost in the vast emptiness around us. We become fearful. Anxiety and confusion take control. We become paralyzed.

I find it incredible that God has opened my eyes to new opportunities. The problem is that I have no idea how I'm going to get to where He wants me to be. That terrifies me.

Another problem is that I really don't like change. I don't like when I have to re-evaluate my life. I don't like when people move on without me. I don't like when I don't have a say in things. I don't even like when the grapes get moved from their place on the top shelf of the fridge. I like organization. I like consistency. I like predictability.

But how selfish is that? Since when is life about me?

It's not about me at all. It's not about what I want. Compared to God, I don't know anything about life. He has a master plan detailing every moment of my existence. I can't even see past the next wave.

Life has nothing to do with being alone on a raft in the middle of the ocean. God never dumps anyone out of the boat. That's something that we imagine.

Being alone is a choice that takes place somewhere inside an anxious mind.

We forget that God is steering the ship. We are the ones who mistakenly attempt to change the direction of the sails. We forget to acknowledge His existence. When that happens, the ship begins to feel empty.

Loneliness plagues the open waters and falls from the sky.

It blinds us to the sight of our Master.

It deafens us to His comforting, miracle-working voice which commands us (and the waves) to "Be still." (Psalm 46:10, Mark 4:39)

You are never alone. 

He is the God of All Creation. He is constant in every moment. (Psalm 46:1)

The truth is that He will never abandon you (Deuteronomy 31:6, 8).

It is your choice whether to acknowledge that He is on this journey right beside you. It is your choice to accept that He is in control of the ship that you are on. It is your choice to stop trying to take control of the sails.

He knows exactly where you need to be.

He knows your secret dreams. He knows your deepest desires. He knows your potential. 

Let Him be your Captain.

He will conquer the waves with you.

Kayla 


For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons until glory, to make the Captain of their salvation perfect through suffering.
Hebrews 2:10 



















Saturday, February 1, 2014

For Every Broken Heart

Sometimes I look at people who are in their nineties and wonder how they make it.

Nearly a century of living.

Struggling through tiring Monday mornings and Friday afternoon traffic jams. Enduring stifling-hot summers and ice-cold winters. Hearing the familiar sound of sirens speeding down the street on rainy Saturday afternoons. The piercing cries of babies and frail last breaths. The smell of burnt toast. The feeling of failure.

They made it despite the occasional agonizing pain of having a broken heart.

Somehow.

I'm nineteen, not ninety, so I can't tell you how they do it. But I can tell you that I agree with you.

Life is painful.

It hurts when someone rejects you. The cold looks from people in the hallway make you feel like an outsider. It brings tears to your eyes when you have to sit alone at lunch for the third time that week. Your heart aches when your sister says you aren't good enough. When you see people whispering and become convinced they're talking about you. And if your family doesn't want to listen then why would anyone else? Eventually the pain just becomes too much. You need a way out. You need life to become less painful. You want to make it through.

It hurts when you have to continually fake a smile. You're breaking on the inside but you don't want anyone else to know. It's hard to hold yourself together all the time. There are so many things to do. You just don't have time to think about the pain. You become numb. You want to be able to feel again. Hiding isn't easy either. You want to be found. You want someone to pursue you. You want to make it through.

It hurts to hold on to everyone's problems. You try to help but you can't. Nothing works. You feel like you have purpose when you can erase someone else's pain. But when you can't, you just feel hopeless. It's painful to see the hurt in other people, but what about your own? You want someone else to hold everything together for once. You want to make it all go away. You want to make it through.

Broken hearts don't only happen after break ups.

Our hearts break when they can't hold in the emotions anymore.

My mom went to Texas a few weeks ago, and one night my sister was having a conversation with my dad. She was sitting on the edge of her bed and she looked up at him and whispered, "My heart is broken." My dad was a little confused so he stopped what he was doing and turned to her, concerned. "Why?" He asked. She had tears in her eyes. "I just miss Mommy so much."

My sister can describe her emotions so accurately. Another time when my mom was away, she told me and my dad that she "had a little tear in her throat." My mom is so important to my sister. Christy needs her, depends on her, looks to her for encouragement. And when my mom isn't there, her heart breaks. Her tears escape. Her emotions become overwhelming.

We can all relate to that. When somebody who we need isn't there. When we try to hold our emotions in. When we attempt to take the problems of the world upon ourselves. It's overwhelming. Our hearts can't take it. We weren't designed for that.

God designed us to need Him. To respect Him. To know that we can't do anything without Him.

He wants to be near to us. He wants us to need Him.

We can't push Him away when our hearts our broken. He is the only one who can heal.

The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 
Psalm 34:18

So if you're hurting, He will restore you.
1 Peter 5:10
He will strengthen you. He will place you on a firm foundation. He will heal you (Psalm 4, Psalm 30, Psalm 103, Psalm 107, Isaiah 53, Jeremiah 17, Matthew 8, Matthew 9, Mark 4... you get the picture). He's pretty experienced with healing our pain.

If you're tired, He will give you rest. 
Matthew 11:28-30
He is humble and gentle. He offers us a trade - He takes our heavy burdens, and He gives us a few responsibilities that are much lighter to bear. We follow Him, and He carries our loads.

If you're worried, cast your anxiety on Him. He cares for you. 
1 Peter 5:7
I think it's important to note that we are instructed to cast our anxiety. If you think about someone who casts a fishing rod, they don't just gently place it in the water. They throw it far away. We need to do the same with our worries. Throw your worries all the way to Him, because He knows how to handle every part of your life.

And if you think you can do it all on your own, you can't. For in him, we live, and move, and breathe.
Acts 17:28 
Only in Him. Not with our own strength. Not with somebody else's help. In Him. 

Not every person who lives to be ninety has chosen to follow Him. But I'm positive that those who have chosen to follow Him have lived much more peaceful and rewarding lives. Those who have given Him their lives shine with His love. Their hearts are light. They have an abundance of wisdom to offer, because they have made it through. It can be done. It is completely possible. And with God by your side it's a million times easier. So let Him take your heavy load.

He's holding the entire world in His hands.

There's no need for you to hold it too.

Kayla 

Jerome, Arizona

I may be weak, but Your Spirit's strong in me 
My flesh may fail, but my God you never will